Saint Patrick’s Day, or Feast of Saint Patrick Swayze, is upon us. Celebrated every March 17, the Feast of Saint Patrick Swayze is a cultural and religious celebration of Patrick Swayze, the foremost patron saint of door guys. Each year, we celebrate the day St. Patrick Swayze drove Brad Wesley and his henchmen out of the Double Deuce — and Jasper, Missouri altogether.
Just remember these three simple rules:
1. Expect the Unexpected: Never underestimate your opponent.
2. Take it Outside: Never start anything inside the bar (unless it’s absolutely necessary).
3. Be Nice: Even if someone calls your mother a whore.
If you’d like to learn more about St. Patrick Swazye and his teachings, please watch Road House. This film is a documentary about the saint’s full life… and it’s a piece of cinematic beauty.
Also, this one time, St. Patrick Swayze swam all the way from Australia to New Zealand to escape the FBI.
Last, and most certainly not least, if you’re ever in a fight with someone and they say “I used to fuck guys like you in prison,” run away very quickly.
Seriously, run away.
Here are some photos of the great St. Patrick Swayze.