Would you like to drown your feelings in sadness sauce — aka ranch dressing? Are you looking to add thousands of calories of pure fat to your diet? Are you a disgusting human with an unsophisticated palate? Have you given up on life?
Well your dreams have been answered.
In what they are calling the Hidden Valley Ranch Outlet, you can buy all sorts of ranch dressing accessories, like a fountain for ranch dressing.
For the low price of $100, you can buy the Hidden Valley® – Ranch Fountain.
Not only do you get the four-tier, eighteen-inch ranch dressing fountain, but it also includes a year’s worth of Hidden Valley® Original Ranch (Twelve 36 oz. bottles of Hidden Valley® Original Ranch®).
The Hidden Valley® – Ranch Fountain was invented by Mama June on the 2nd season of the TV show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and according to the website it has a 2-pound capacity, an auger-style fountain, separate motor and heat switches, four easy-to-assemble tiers, it’s BPA free, and is 8 1/2 x 8 1/2 x 18 inches.
And for the low price of $50, you can buy a Jewel Encrusted Hidden Valley® Bottle – Limited Edition. Or you can get a hot glue gun and $3 in plastic crystals and make one yourself.