For Sale: Absolutely Dreadful Guitar
Would you like to buy an absolutely dreadful guitar? If your answer is yes, then I have a deal for you. Someone in Witham, Essex, United Kingdom is selling an Absolutely Dreadful Guitar on eBay. Only a few more days left to bid. HURRY!
“Hi folks, here for sale is quite the worst guitar I have ever owned. The reserve is nothing, which is significantly more than it is worth.
Hand crafted in a state of advanced intoxication by the Professional Product Group – (I fear they were not technically professionals) – this catastrophic failure of an instrument boasts the following features –
Low action with only slight fret buzz on all strings all the way up the neck
Goes out of tune the second you look at it
G string pops out of the nut with even the slightest pressure
Super sharp frets ensure your fingers will be destroyed immediately, giving you an ’emo’ edge at gigs.
Scratches for looking cool and that, call it a heavy relic like all the bell ends trying to sell broken Squiers for £500
Can’t comment on the electronics as I have never plugged it in, it just didn’t seem worth it
I don’t want this in my house anymore
First come first mugged. No warranty beyond the cast iron guarantee of regret.
Collection only from my home in Witham, Essex, or I can smash it into bits and post it in a shoe box, choice is yours.
Check my feedback and bid with absolute confidence. You’ve nothing to lose but your dignity.
Payment via magic beans / beer”