Will You Win The $700,000,000 Powerball Jackpot?
If you’re reading this, you will not win the estimated $700,000,000 jackpot in Wednesday’s Powerball drawing. Your odds of winning are 292,201,338-to-1. You have a better chance of dying while reading this sentence than you do at winning all that money that will probably just make you a bigger asshole than you already are.
If you do win the $700,000,000 Powerball jackpot, which you won’t, and choose to take the lump sum, you would take home $443,300,000. After federal tax withholdings, you’d really only take home about $335,000,000 and that doesn’t include another $25,000,000 or so that state taxes would take out.
So you’re really talking about $310,000,000 you would take home, but don’t worry, you won’t have to worry, because you aren’t going to win.
If you did win the Powerball jackpot, which you won’t, you could buy 1,512,554 Riot Fest GA tickets or 807,586 VIP Riot Fest tickets. Though I don’t know why you would want to go to a music festival if you won $700,000,000 and you could just book any band you wanted to play your backyard without having to stand around with a bunch of strangers.
You could also buy 100,323,625 McDonald’s cheeseburger Happy Meals.
Or you can buy this 20 acre private island in the South Pacific and never come back to this terrible place.
Also, I already bought the winning Powerball ticket so you shouldn’t even bother trying to win.