Riot Fest | Valient Thorr

Valient Thorr

Valient Thorr
By The Hammer Of!
By: Bill Molloy
Originally Published: September 2008

Let's face it; it's not a very fun time to be an American right now. The economy is in the shitter and it seems like more banks are failing every day. A woman who thinks that proximity to Russia denotes foreign policy experience is literally two steps away from leading the free world. Carlos Mencia still has a TV show, and people actually watch it! Seriously, what the fuck? At times like this America, nay, the world, needs bands like Valient Thorr.

Valient Thorr represents fun in its most pure, escapist form. Lead vocalist and figurehead Valient Himself has one modest goal for all listeners of his group; he simply states that he just wants them to get "a boner." His intent is clear; whether it's a physical stiffy or maybe just some metaphorical/intellectual stimulation, that's up to you to decide.

In many cases, it's both. The group's most dedicated fans have taken upon themselves to foster a growing community unique to the subculture of Valient Thorr. They are known as Thorriors and according to Valient Himself, they're a dedicated network of "...crazed party dudes and ladies who like to eat good food and listen to good music." They wear colors and patches that identify which particular Thorrior chapter they belong to. If this sounds a little bit Hells Angels-ish (please don't beat me up, old burly biker dudes reading this), just wait until 2009; Himself has grand ambitions to plan a convention of Thorriors known as Thorrendezvous 2009.

From the moment the group left their native Venus and landed on Earth, they've taken their good time rock and roll to the streets. Touring non-stop became a hallmark of Valient Thorr, as the group managed to play 272 shows in 2006 alone. To our non-math inclined readers, that means that there was literally a 75% chance that Thorr was on stage on any given night that entire year! Road dogs to the end, Valient Himself has set the band's sights to the rest of Earth for 2009, saying "We are going to be doing a world tour next year, playing places we've never played; hopefully Japan, Australia and more European spots." This ambition will no doubt turn the crank of Thorriors world wide.

This dedication to spreading their message of good music and food led to Valient Thorr being crowned the Rock And Roll Champions of the Universe, and they have the trophy to prove it. Citing their status as citizens of Venus, Valient Thorr bypassed the corrupt world of the Rock and Roll Championship of the World straight into being top dogs of the universe.

Valient Himself does not mince words about the corrupt bureaucracy of the World Championships, pointing out "...it's a conglomeration that claims to be involved with various nefarious organizations including the 'record industry.' They don't really like to recognize us." The conglomerate prefers major label hype bands according Valient. Using Wolfmother as a prime example, he warns that you see "...what happens when a band's not ready! BANG!!! They implode from the weight of their own consciousness."

Not content with merely leading the good time vibes on stage, Valient Himself recently undertook a rather epic move into the world of art, personally conceptualizing and designing the cover art for their most recent record Immortalizer. Valient describes the modern masterpiece as showing "Morpheus, the time master (son of father time) trying to grab a hold of the tiger owl (which represents our band [something knowledged, but something that's also buck wild])." In this case, seeing truly is believing; the image practically begs to be screen printed onto the back of a denim vest or maybe painted onto the side of an ugly brown conversion van.

The merrymaking mechanism temporarily de-railed this past Spring though as Valient Himself went under the knife to donate a kidney to his Earth Father, who has long been plagued by health problems. Five months later, all is well in the land of Himself and his Earth father. His father has fully recovered and Valient notes that "We just had dinner together about a month ago in Charlotte. It was so great to see him out of the house." The surgery may even lead to more manic performances, as Himself points out that he's "...trying to take care of myself health-wise now."

Bursting with hope, Valient Himself admits that he has last words, "but I don't wanna say them for a LOOOOONG time!" May the wings of liberty never lose a feather, and may Valient Thorr continue to rock us all for years to come.

May 2009 Update

Well luckily Sarah Palin is not Vice President of the United States; hopefully you didn't need this update to tell you that. Also the status of the abomination known as Carlos Mencia's tv show is up in the air, so we're two for two on that front! Since this past fall Valient Thorr has continued their never ending inter-planetary tour in support of Immortalizer, which included stints with Early Man and a spot on the Harvest of Hope Fest. Another Rock and Roll Championship of the Universe title is all but wrapped up for these guys!