Nothing is more punk than arguing on the internet about what is and isn’t punk rock. So we enlisted the help of Dan Ozzi and Martin Atkins for a new occasional column we call “Is It Punk?”
Last time we discussed if ketchup was punk.
This week…. Scented Candles. Is it punk?
Are Scented Candles Punk? YES – By Martin Atkins
Just like punks, the olfactory senses are the most powerful and most neglected of the senses – smells push our emotional buttons, evoke memories and tap into our deeply buried feelings. Scented candles are punk – but you need the correct, punk certified flavours.
A lemon, citrus smell can stimulate us – Punk, vanilla and lavender calm us down – NOT, peppermint can keep us alert and any good real estate agent will have you bake cookies in the oven right before a showing – it makes your nasty Chelsea squat way more cozy and appealing. Perhaps you should keep freshly baked cookies in your pants? At least that would explain the chocolate stains on your underpants.
As early as 1992 scientists were experimenting with smells to stimulate sales (of course, its fucking America!) a scent to make a car salesman smell more trustworthy. Now, we just need the Teen Spirit incense.
There should be a candle that smells of Wattie from The Exploited covering his Mohawk in egg white, baking his head in the oven then spraying the structure with Aquanet in some bombed out Edinburgh shit hole, but “Totally Baked Head” sounds like a new Ben and Jerry’s.
I’m looking for the – old can of Red Stripe, a slight overtone of hashish mixed with beer spilt on carpet candle – that’ll take me right back to 1977.
The smell of vomit and evaporating old urine candle? magically you are at CBGBs! You can’t go there anymore – (unless you want to count the ridiculous café at Newark Airport?) – but, one millisecond of that smell and I’m taken back – arguing with Hilly Kristal about something or other and anticipating which part of the ramshackle sound system will burst into flames.
How punk is that? – we’ve invented time travel.
I’m now accepting suggestions for a RiotFest candle (in a sealed container so you don’t know what’s inside before you buy it!) ……yesterdays kebabs? Old beer spilled on my pants, love, amazing music…crushed dreams, lost pets and neglectful parents…coconuts?
Plus, I used to be in a band with Johnny Rotten and once he said – “hey Martin, pass me that scented candle!” How fucking punk is that!!!
Are Scented Candles Punk? NO – By Dan Ozzi
When determining whether or not scented candles are punk, we must first determine what punk smells like. To me, punk can smell like a number of things: It can smell like drywall that had old pool water dumped on it a week ago. It can smell like a muddy bike tire that is actively on fire. It can smell like a fishtank that has never been cleaned out, ever. Or it can smell like a fart on a healthy diet of cigarettes and stale cheese.
Dan Ozzi is a writer and his opinions are correct.
Follow @marteeeen ( four e’s …. Just like the old days) drummer, author, dad, speaker & music business dept chair @SAEchicago
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