RIOT FEST HOROSCOPES week of 04/07/2016
Aries March 21 – April 19
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.
Taurus April 20 – May 20
If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the garage next to your short-wave radio, your karate outfit, and your unicycle, and we’ll go and watch TV.
Gemini May 21 – June 20
Enjoy this golden time you will soon cling desperately to the memory of.
Cancer June 21 – July 22
Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.
Leo July 23 – August 22
Remember, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Virgo August 23 – September 22
Everything looks bad if you remember it.
Libra September 23 – October 22
Being popular is the most important thing in the world.
Scorpio October 23 – November 21
Trying is the first step to failure.
Sagittarius November 22 – December 21
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals!
Except the weasel.
Capricorn December 22 – January 19
No matter how good you are at something, there’s always about a million people better than you.
Aquarius January 20 – February 18
Stupid risks make life worth living.
Pisces February 19 – March 20
The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
