Kids have been known to say the darnedest things; while naughty kids have been known to be assholes. In honor of the 8th day of #RiotFestmas (and today’s contest where you get to tattle on your naughty friends so we’ll send send them coal and Riot Fest tickets), we’d like to show you why you should be more appreciative the children in your life… Because at least they’re not complete assholes.
Speaking of today’s contest, we announce which Grinch gets the coal at 7:00pm CST.
DEAR YOU,
YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS THE MINUTE YOU SMASHED YOUR CAPS LOCK KEY.
BEST,
MR. CLAUS
Dear Jenna,
I’m bringing you a milkshake for Christmas this year.
Best,
Mr. Claus
Dear Mitch,
Don’t listen to your sibling. I’m bringing them a shitty hole puncher this year.
You’re getting a skateboard.
Skate or die, Mitch!
Best,
Mr. Claus
PS: Snitches get stitches
Dear Sophia,
Not until you learn how to spell, dummy.
Best,
Mr. Claus
Dear Evan,
I will get you football crap, but no remote control truck. If what you are saying is true, your devil brother will possess that thing in no time, and start rampaging.
Best,
Mr. Claus
Dear DK,
Don’t be a pushy DicK.
Best,
Mr. Claus
Dear Pony Pusher,
Whatcha gonna do to me, huh? And why does that pony have explosive diarrhea? You really think you’re ready to take care of a pony on your own?
Best,
Mr. Claus
