UPDATE (April 2, 2018) — Due to the recent arrest and indictment of Initech President and CEO Vinnie C. Morocco, we’re going to discontinue all of these shitty new merch items — except for that snazzy coffee mug.
To thank you, the fans, for your continued support throughout this trying time, we will keep all items in the store at 30% off until 11:59 p.m. CDT on Monday, April 2.
They say you can’t take it with you, but they must have never been to Riot Fest (An Initech Company). Long known for revolutionary merchandise items that have consistently disrupted the marketplace, Riot Fest (An Initech Company) is pleased to announce that all 2017 festival merchandise is 30% off as we make room for the 2018 line.
View a sampling of our new products below. As you can see, these goods are priced to move and are moving fast… so you’d better get while the getting is good!
COFFEE MUG$14.98 – Available Now!
This solid and stylish mug is the perfect vessel to transport liquids from your desk to your face. Be it coffee, tea, water, or juice, you won’t be thirsty once you have this weapon in your arsenal.
NOTICE: Initech reminds you that company policy dictates that absolutely no alcohol is to touch this mug during business hours, and after hours as well.
DURABLE CLICKY PENS (4-Pack)
$9.98 – Available Now! (Sold Out!)
You turn to Riot Fest (An Initech Company) when you need results, and when you need to write things, you should turn to these classic clicky pens. The pen has two modes: writing mode and pocket mode, and you can easily switch between the two with a simple click of the button for all of your scribing needs.
NOTICE: Initech is not responsible for content written with these pens.
GOLF ACCESORIES KIT
$39.98 – Available Now! (Sold Out!)
Be the envy of your fellow duffers with this handy collection of useful tools for the links.
Includes all you need for a successful golf course meeting:
– 3 x Golf Tees (Made from real wood!)
– 1 x Sleeve of Three (3) Golf Balls (Engineered for max distance!)
– 1 x Set of Three (3) Club Head Covers
– 1 x Divot Repair Tool (High-Quality!)
MOUSE PAD
$4.98 – Available Now! (Sold Out!)
Keep your browsing nice and smooth, while simultaneously showing off your style to the person in the next cubicle over with this handsome mouse pad!
POLO SHIRT
$24.98 – Available Now! (Sold Out!)
Not just the Initech uniform, this classy knit shirt is perfect for playing golf, polo, or clarinet; combine with some snazzy khaki pants, and you’ll be very popular at any area Target store.
NOTICE: Using an Initech uniform to obtain an employee discount at Target is forbidden by both Target and Initech.
STRESS REDUCTION BALL
$14.98 – Available Now! (Sold Out!)
Who needs expensive therapies that your company health plan may not cover, when you can relieve all the troubles of your busy life by simply squeezing this squishy stress ball? Nobody, that’s who!
NOTICE: Stress ball will not actually relieve stress, which may actually cause you more stress.
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