Skip to content
Riot Fest logo
Tickets
Watch Riot Fest TV and the Riot Fest Sucks Network
Search
  • FESTIVAL
    • 2023 Lineup
    • 2023 Photos + Videos
    • 2023 Merch
    • 2023 Riot Mall Vendors
    • Riot App
    • Lost & Found
    • Tickets
    • FAQ
    • Partners
  • Upcoming Shows
  • News
    • Latest News
    • Playlists
    • New Music
    • Concert Photos
    • Interviews
    • Comics
    • TV+Film
    • Staff Picks
  • Community
    • Community Involvement
    • Community Tickets
    • Community Bands at Riot Fest
    • Community Artwork Submission
    • Park Cleanup
    • Community Job Hiring
    • Vendor Workshop
    • Neighborhood Guide
  • Merch
  • Watch RFTV
  • Search
This Punk AF Turtle is Endangered

This Punk AF Turtle is Endangered

April 12, 2018 (December 7, 2022) // Riot Fest

A green mohawk, a virgin until the age of 25, a population in decline since the 1970s, breathes through its genitals. Yep, this endangered turtle is punk as fuck.

In another instance of humans ruining this planet, the Mary River turtle—able to breath through its cloaca and totally punk as fuck—is now on the endangered species list.

This punk rock turtle sports a green mohawk and spikes on its chin, and is found only on the Mary River in Queensland, Australia. Not only does this turtle look punk as fuck, but the gill-like organ in its cloaca allows it to stay underwater for three days; as a bonus, this multi-purpose organ is also used for mating and pooping.

What else makes the Mary River turtle so punk? It rarely mates before the age of 25 and its population has been in steep decline since the 1970s.

Why is this badass turtle with an algae mohawk and spikes on its chin who just wants to live its life and breath through its dick going extinct?

Because of you. That’s right, you. These kickass turtles were taken from the wild by the thousands because asshole humans wanted to keep them as pets. Now along with pollution and all the other things humans have done to this planet, the Mary River Turtle is in danger of becoming extinct.

I hope you’re happy.

 

The Related Rabbit Hole

The Riot Fest Week in Review Default ThumbnailTop 20 punk protest songs listed Has Pop Punk Finally Grown Up?
About The Author
Riot Fest

Punk Rock (& more) Music Fest | I'm sorry we didn't book the exact bands you wanted, in the exact order you wanted, in the exact location you wanted, for free. Chicago. Sept. 15-17, 2023

Posted in RandomTagged australia, Mary River Turtle, Punk Turtle, turtle, turtles

Post navigation

  Previous PostNext Post 
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • TikTok
  • YouTube
  • Facebook
  • Spotify
Riot Fest Tickets
Upcoming Shows Playlist
Riot Fest Presents Shows
Dec. 8, 2023
Metro Chicago
The Lawrence Arms’ 9th Annual War on Xmas

The Lawrence Arms’ 9th Annual War on Xmas

We Are The Union

Pkew Pkew Pkew

Low Tickets(Opens in new window).
The Lawrence Arms’ 9th Annual War on Xmas
Dec. 9, 2023
Metro Chicago
The Lawrence Arms’ 9th Annual War on Xmas

The Lawrence Arms’ 9th Annual War on Xmas

Restorations

Sweetie

SOLD OUT
The Lawrence Arms’ 9th Annual War on Xmas
Dec. 12, 2023
Reggies
A Wilhelm Scream

A Wilhelm Scream

Counterpunch

Much The Same

Tickets(Opens in new window).
A Wilhelm Scream
Dec. 13, 2023
Concord Music Hall
From Ashes To New

From Ashes To New

The Word Alive

Catch Your Breath

Ekoh

Tickets(Opens in new window).
From Ashes To New
Dec. 13, 2023
Cobra Lounge
Oso Oso

Oso Oso

Carly Cosgrove

Kicksie

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Oso Oso
Dec. 14, 2023
Cobra Lounge
Rematch

Rematch

When The Sun Sets

Stillwell

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Rematch

MORE SHOWS

Greatest Hits

  • Foundation
  • Riot Pop!!
  • History
  • Contact
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • TikTok
  • YouTube
  • Facebook
  • Spotify
  • Mail
Purple Nurple - 0% alc. by volume
Cherry On!! Flavor Riot Pop!!
Riot Pop!! Logo

It's got what people crave!

Get on wait list
InstagramTwitterYouTubeTikTokFacebook

Copyright © 2023 Riot Fest Corporation. Privacy Policy.

Search for:

Send me emails so I don’t have to go to your website to look for shows.

"*" indicates required fields

Name
Email me about
Music I like
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.