UPDATE: IT WAS FAKE NEWS! We are sorry for lying to you.
This past Friday, two elderly men snuck out of their nursing home in Germany to join 75,000 other people at Wacken Open Air, the world’s biggest—and muddiest—heavy metal festival.
The nursing home contacted the police after they realized the two men were missing. Police found them at Wacken Open Air at 3 a.m. “disoriented and dazed”, which could describe anyone at a music festival at three in the morning.
It took some convincing to get the two men to leave the festival and return to the nursing home, reportedly because they are grown men that should be allowed to go to a music festival if they want to; that’s way cooler than sitting in a boring ass nursing home all day, staring at walls and eating mashed potatoes. Besides, why the fuck is it anyone’s business if two old dudes want to go see Danzig and Judas Priest?
Eventually, the police
kidnapped them escorted them home with the help of a taxi and a patrol car. “They obviously liked the metal festival,” police spokeswoman Merle Neufeld told public broadcaster Norddeutscher Rundfunk. “The care home quickly organized a return transport after police picked them up.”
We don’t who these old dudes are, but if they ever want to come to Riot Fest, we’ll put them on the guest list.