We at the Riot HQ L-O-V-E the Halloween season, and like most debatable topics, no one agrees on what is the best candy or Halloween treat. We’ve even done an entire lineup graphic of Halloween candy, which was a lightning rod for internet controversy according to the eight Twitter (X?) comments we received, so this year, we’re not only going to update our top picks, but we’ll be explaining why some other Halloween candy (or treat) completely sucks.
Be sure to share your own unworthy opinion (this is the internet, after all) with our lovable internet troll, the Riot Twitter person, when you’re done disagreeing with everything you’re about to not read.
I’m doubling down on candy corn and I don’t care what anyone says. Add some peanuts and it’s a festive trail mix. Bonus: people claim to not like them so you can have them all to yourself.
I will eat a trail of Reese’s Pieces off the ground in the woods, like E.T.
Bonus: this is also a haiku.
Halloween Graveyard Chocolate Cake
Building Halloween graveyards with my niece/nephew on chocolate cake and going all the way with sour worms on top of the graves. When it’s red velvet cake mix they think it’s blood.
I enjoy watching their faces as they decorate it.
Sour Patch Kids, Swedish Fish, Blow Pops, Jolly Ranchers, Twizzlers
Garbage candy: mallow cups, those peanut butter things in the black and orange wrappers. Those dot things that come on paper sheet. Those things suck. Candy Corn shaped like pumpkins – They are bad enough as candy corn. But these are bigger and add more to the grossness.
Take 5 because you [Tim] said “who even eats that” and who is ME you bitch.
Secondary: twizzlers but specifically the pull n peel kind.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Shapes
Bonus: almost the same shape being reused as a pumpkin, tree, and egg throughout the year.
Worst – caramel apples. There is no enjoyable, non-messy way to eat them. And, who’s idea was it to put sprinkles on caramel apples? Wouldn’t wish that combination on my worst enemy.
Caramel Apples with Sprinkles, Starburst, Jolly Ranchers
Best: Strongly disagree with Caroline, caramel apples with sprinkles are the absolute best and should be eaten year-round. Also, starburst, jolly ranchers, and anything sour except gummies.
Worst: Anything with peanut butter (I’m biased) or mint. Ew.
Any of the chewy fruity candy…Starbursts, Skittles, Mike and Ikes, Sour Gummies, Airheads
Worst: Good & Plenty. I assume no explanation is needed for this one. Does anyone (besides probably your dad or grandma, I guess) like these things?
Whoppers, Candy Corn, Milk Duds
My best is typically everyone’s worst – whoppers, candy corn, milk duds.
Worst – regular twizzlers (pull-n-peel exempt), butterfingers
Wax Lips, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Riot Twitter Person
I like wax lips because it’s the closest I will ever get to kissing a real human.
REESE’S Peanut Butter Cups are also good.
I also like sour patch kids because they make me feel something.
Best: Monique told me that Skittles are banned in Europe and it only made me want to eat Skittles more. I don’t care how much titanium dioxide is in my body. Sounds like some stuff you’d eat to turn into a superhero.
Worst: Necco Wafers. If someone gives these to you or your kid on Halloween, just throw them in the trash, but definitely don’t throw them back at the house that gave them to you.