The holidays are all about buying stuff, so we made a list of some Riot Fest Approved items you should buy for your friends and family.
 | ‘You’re Posting A Lot Of Songs Lyrics And We’re All Worried About You‘ // $5.00 Seriously. We are all worried about you. Step away from the Twitters and go get some ice cream. I wish I could send this card to everyone we follow on Twitter. |
 | ‘Bag Of Dicks‘ // $15.00 This bag of gummy penises is a great way to tell your friends, family, loved ones, or enemies to ‘EAT A BAG OF DICKS’. Sent anonymously with a stock message, this product will get your point across in a way that nobody will mistake. |
 | The Disciples by James Mollison // $39.44 This is one of my favorite books ever. With a total of over 500 individual portraits, in 62 panoramic images, The Disciples is an original, sharp and highly entertaining take on contemporary music culture and the tribalism invoked by popular music stars. |
 | Donald Trump Piñata // $55.99 + $7.99 shipping Fuck this guy. He is definitely banned from Riot Fest. |
 | 55 Gallons of Lube // $1,175.82 Now all you need is an inflatable pool and you can have the best Christmas ever! |
 | Suzy Kuzy Beer Mitt // $16.99 Warm hands, cold beer. |
 | Fox Mulder Altar Candle: “He Who Wants To Believe” // $13.00 |
 | Full House: The Complete Series DVD // $74.99 Need some wholesome fun for the entire family? I dare you to binge watch the entire 192 episodes in one sitting. Take a shot every time John Stamos says “Have Mercy” or Dave Coulier says “Cut it out”. |
 | Cthulhu Ornament // $20.00 In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu lies dreaming. |
 | Taking Back Sunday 2015 Holiday Sweatshirt // $38.99 Wrap yourself in this Taking Back Sunday Holiday Sweatshirt. It’s like Adam Lazzara is giving you a hug. |
 | A Motherf*cking Yacht // $4,900,000 Roll up to Riot Fest in style with this 220 ft. yacht. |
 | Portable Pizza Pouch // $8.00 The greatest invention since the pet rock. Now you can have pizza on the go! No more awkward moments of losing your pizza. The Portable Pizza Pouch will make you 27% more attractive. |
 | GoGirl Female Urination Device // $9.99 Dirty bathroom at a music festival? Don’t Take Life Sitting Down. Now anyone can pee standing up. |
 | The Jerkygram Box // $24.99 – $39.99 It’s meat in a box delivered to your house. What more could you ask for? |
 | The Clash – Joe Strummer Handwritten ’82 Setlist // $2,719.20 Joe Strummer’s original handwritten set list for The Clash’s February 1, 1982 concert at the Sun Plaza Hall in Tokyo, Japan, along with an unused ticket for that same show, a program for The Clash’s 1982 Japanese tour, and a private pressing CD of the same concert. |
 | Ticket Stub Diary // $14.99 Keep all your ticket stubs in one spot. Who are we kidding, this is one step away from scrapbooking. |
 | TV-B-Gone Universal TV Power Remote Control Keychain // $24.99 + $4.74 shipping Head to your local sports bar and have some fun! Small keychain device for turning off obtrusive TVs at bars and restaurants |
 | Riot Fest Ugly Christmas Sweater // $35 Looking for something to stuff in your stocking this year? We’ve got you covered. This would make the perfect gift for the entire family. |
 | Riot Fest Early Bird Tickets // Starting at $129.98 Your mom said she would love some tickets to Riot Fest. Denver. Riot Fest & Rodeo at National Western Complex. Labor Day Weekend – September 2, 3, & 4 Chicago. Riot Fest & Carnival at Douglas Park. September 16, 17, & 18 |
 | Donate to the Chicago Coalition for the Homeless // ???? Since 1980, the Chicago Coalition for the Homeless (CCH) has had a clear mission: “We organize and advocate to prevent and end homelessness, because we believe housing is a human right in a just society.” |
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