In honor of Father’s Day (June 21, 2020), we made you a list of horrible/wonderful groan worthy dad jokes. But that brings up the question, when does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent.
- What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- What has eight arms and plays bass in a punk band? Squid Vicious.
- You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- Hear about the new restaurant on the Moon? The food was great, but there was just no atmosphere.
- Our wedding was so beautiful. Even the cake was in tiers.
- How do you organize an outer space party? You planet!
- I was thinking about moving to Moscow, but there’s no point in Russian into things.
- Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
- A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
- I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
- Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
- Two guys walked into a bar, the third one ducks.
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
- Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
- What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.
- How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
- What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
- A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
- Two peanuts were walking in a park. One was a salted.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
- Why can’t you have a nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot
- I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got fired because I took a couple of days off.
- A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, “First offender?” She says, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
- I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
- What did the horse say after it tripped? “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
- Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
- Velcro? It’s a total ripoff.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
- The Energizer Bunny just got arrested. They charged him with battery.
- I gave all my dead batteries away. They were free of charge!
