Skip to content
Riot Fest 2023 – September 15th-17th
Tickets
Search
  • RIOT FEST
    • 2023 Lineup
    • Tickets
    • Newsletter
    • Photos
    • Past Lineups
    • Riot Mall Vendors
    • Lost & Found
    • News
    • FAQ
  • Upcoming Shows
  • Magazine
    • Home
    • Playlists
    • New Music
    • Interviews
    • Comics
    • TV+Film
    • Staff Picks
  • Community
    • Neighborhood Guide
    • Community Involvement
    • Street Team Sign Up
  • Merch
  • Search
Bring Me My Ranch Dressing Hose! Hidden Valley Is Selling 5 Liter Kegs Of Ranch Dressing

Bring Me My Ranch Dressing Hose! Hidden Valley Is Selling 5 Liter Kegs Of Ranch Dressing

November 8, 2017 (December 6, 2022) // Riot Fest

Enough! I grow weary of your sexually suggestive dancing. Bring me my ranch dressing hose! Well it’s not a ranch dressing hose, but Hidden Valley® is selling a 5 liter keg of ranch dressing.

That’s right, you can buy a keg that is specifically designed to dispense ranch dressing. These scientists and engineers could have been wasting their time trying to solve the energy crisis or design more fuel efficient cars, but instead they designed a more efficient system of ranch dressing distribution so you can choke down some broccoli and cauliflower slathered in ranch dressing. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

For the low price of $50, you can buy the Hidden Valley® – Mini Ranch Keg for parties, weddings, or just a sad night home alone with some chicken wings.

Not only do you get the 10 inch, 5 liter mini-keg, but it also includes a year’s worth of Hidden Valley® Original Ranch (Twelve 36 oz. bottles of Hidden Valley® Original Ranch®).

It isn’t a party unless the Hidden Valley® Ranch is flowin

Height is 9.7 inches and Diameter is 6.3 inches

Stackable and holds up to 5 liters of ranch

Special inside coating meets FDA specifications and keeps the ranch tasting fresh.

Includes a year supply of Hidden Valley Ranch!

**Pre-order today: Item begins shipping December 11**

The ranch dressing keg will arrive empty, “We want to ensure the ranch is as fresh as possible so people can fill their kegs when they are ready for their parties,” a spokesperson said.

According to Hidden Valley®, at least one-third of American homes have at least some kind of ranch dressing at any given time.

 

The Related Rabbit Hole

The Wonder Years’ New Record ‘The Hum Goes On Forever’ is Out This September
About The Author
Riot Fest

Punk Rock (& more) Music Fest | I'm sorry we didn't book the exact bands you wanted, in the exact order you wanted, in the exact location you wanted, for free.

Posted in Chicago, Food + Drink, NewsTagged hidden valley ranch, ranch dressing, ranch dressing keg

Post navigation

  Previous PostNext Post 
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • TikTok
  • Mail
  • YouTube
  • Facebook
Riot Fest Tickets
Upcoming Shows Playlist
Riot Fest Presents Shows
Feb. 17, 2023
Cobra Lounge
Future Teens & Macseal

Future Teens & Macseal

Woolbright

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Future Teens & Macseal
Feb. 18, 2023
Cobra Lounge
Dune Rats

Dune Rats

Telethon

Devon Kay & The Solutions

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Dune Rats
Feb. 26, 2023
Metro
Bayside

Bayside

I Am the Avalanche

Koyo

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Bayside
Mar. 3, 2023
Bottom Lounge
Prince Daddy & The Hyena + Drug Church

Prince Daddy & The Hyena + Drug Church

Anxious

Webbed Wing

Low Tickets(Opens in new window).
Prince Daddy & The Hyena + Drug Church
Mar. 9, 2023
Cobra Lounge
Free Throw

Free Throw

Can’t Swim

Equipment

Early Humans

Low Tickets(Opens in new window).
Free Throw
Mar. 11, 2023
Reggies
Flatfoot 56 / The Rumjacks

Flatfoot 56 / The Rumjacks

The Drowns

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Flatfoot 56 / The Rumjacks

MORE SHOWS

Greatest Hits

  • Foundation
  • History
  • Contact
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • TikTok
  • YouTube
  • Facebook
InstagramTwitterYouTubeTikTokFacebook

Copyright © 2023 Riot Fest Corporation. Privacy Policy.

Search for:

Send me emails so I don’t have to go to your website to look for shows.

"*" indicates required fields

Name
Email me about
Music I like
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Listen to the upcoming shows playlist to hear all the artists playing near you: Apple Music or Spotify
Listen
This is default text for notification bar
Learn more