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Bring Me My Ranch Dressing Hose! Hidden Valley Is Selling 5 Liter Kegs Of Ranch Dressing

Bring Me My Ranch Dressing Hose! Hidden Valley Is Selling 5 Liter Kegs Of Ranch Dressing

November 8, 2017 (December 6, 2022) // Riot Fest

Enough! I grow weary of your sexually suggestive dancing. Bring me my ranch dressing hose! Well it’s not a ranch dressing hose, but Hidden Valley® is selling a 5 liter keg of ranch dressing.

That’s right, you can buy a keg that is specifically designed to dispense ranch dressing. These scientists and engineers could have been wasting their time trying to solve the energy crisis or design more fuel efficient cars, but instead they designed a more efficient system of ranch dressing distribution so you can choke down some broccoli and cauliflower slathered in ranch dressing. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

For the low price of $50, you can buy the Hidden Valley® – Mini Ranch Keg for parties, weddings, or just a sad night home alone with some chicken wings.

Not only do you get the 10 inch, 5 liter mini-keg, but it also includes a year’s worth of Hidden Valley® Original Ranch (Twelve 36 oz. bottles of Hidden Valley® Original Ranch®).

It isn’t a party unless the Hidden Valley® Ranch is flowin

Height is 9.7 inches and Diameter is 6.3 inches

Stackable and holds up to 5 liters of ranch

Special inside coating meets FDA specifications and keeps the ranch tasting fresh.

Includes a year supply of Hidden Valley Ranch!

**Pre-order today: Item begins shipping December 11**

The ranch dressing keg will arrive empty, “We want to ensure the ranch is as fresh as possible so people can fill their kegs when they are ready for their parties,” a spokesperson said.

According to Hidden Valley®, at least one-third of American homes have at least some kind of ranch dressing at any given time.

 

The Related Rabbit Hole

A Ranch Dressing Fountain Is The Perfect Gift For The Person Who Has Given Up The Riot Fest Week in Review Daily Riot Fest Roundup
About The Author
Riot Fest

Punk Rock (& more) Music Fest | I'm sorry we didn't book the exact bands you wanted, in the exact order you wanted, in the exact location you wanted, for free. September 19-21, 2025.

Posted in Chicago, Food + Drink, NewsTagged hidden valley ranch, ranch dressing, ranch dressing keg

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