Skip to content
Riot Fest
Tickets
Search
  • Lineup
  • Tickets
  • Fest Info
    • Daily Schedule
    • Album Plays
    • FAQ
    • Lockers
    • Hotels
  • Merch
  • Upcoming Shows
  • Community
    • Beyond the Fest
    • Community Tickets
    • Local Hiring
    • Park Cleanups
    • Vendor Workshop
    • Community Meeting
  • Search
Bring Me My Ranch Dressing Hose! Hidden Valley Is Selling 5 Liter Kegs Of Ranch Dressing

Bring Me My Ranch Dressing Hose! Hidden Valley Is Selling 5 Liter Kegs Of Ranch Dressing

November 8, 2017 (December 6, 2022) // Riot Fest

Enough! I grow weary of your sexually suggestive dancing. Bring me my ranch dressing hose! Well it’s not a ranch dressing hose, but Hidden Valley® is selling a 5 liter keg of ranch dressing.

That’s right, you can buy a keg that is specifically designed to dispense ranch dressing. These scientists and engineers could have been wasting their time trying to solve the energy crisis or design more fuel efficient cars, but instead they designed a more efficient system of ranch dressing distribution so you can choke down some broccoli and cauliflower slathered in ranch dressing. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

For the low price of $50, you can buy the Hidden Valley® – Mini Ranch Keg for parties, weddings, or just a sad night home alone with some chicken wings.

Not only do you get the 10 inch, 5 liter mini-keg, but it also includes a year’s worth of Hidden Valley® Original Ranch (Twelve 36 oz. bottles of Hidden Valley® Original Ranch®).

It isn’t a party unless the Hidden Valley® Ranch is flowin

Height is 9.7 inches and Diameter is 6.3 inches

Stackable and holds up to 5 liters of ranch

Special inside coating meets FDA specifications and keeps the ranch tasting fresh.

Includes a year supply of Hidden Valley Ranch!

**Pre-order today: Item begins shipping December 11**

The ranch dressing keg will arrive empty, “We want to ensure the ranch is as fresh as possible so people can fill their kegs when they are ready for their parties,” a spokesperson said.

According to Hidden Valley®, at least one-third of American homes have at least some kind of ranch dressing at any given time.

 

The Related Rabbit Hole

A Ranch Dressing Fountain Is The Perfect Gift For The Person Who Has Given Up The Riot Fest Week in Review Daily Riot Fest Roundup
About The Author
Riot Fest

Punk Rock (& more) Music Fest | I'm sorry we didn't book the exact bands you wanted, in the exact order you wanted, in the exact location you wanted, for free. September 19-21, 2025.

Posted in Chicago, Food + Drink, NewsTagged hidden valley ranch, ranch dressing, ranch dressing keg

Post navigation

  Previous PostNext Post 
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • TikTok
  • YouTube
  • Facebook
  • Spotify
Riot Fest Tickets
Upcoming Shows Playlist
Riot Fest Presents Shows
Jun. 25, 2025
Metro
Less Than Jake

Less Than Jake

The Suicide Machines

Fishbone

Bite Me Bambi

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Less Than Jake
Jun. 25, 2025
Cobra Lounge
Aurorawave

Aurorawave

DoneFor

Droogs AG

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Aurorawave
Jun. 26, 2025
Metro
Less Than Jake

Less Than Jake

Fishbone

The Suicide Machines

Bite Me Bambi

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Less Than Jake
Jun. 26, 2025
Cobra Lounge
The Native Howl

The Native Howl

Tejon Street Corner Thieves

CRICKET!

Tickets(Opens in new window).
The Native Howl
Jul. 1, 2025
Cobra Lounge
Strung Out

Strung Out

Death By Stereo

Counterpunch

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Strung Out
Jul. 2, 2025
Bottom Lounge
Tripping Daisy

Tripping Daisy

Jumprope

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Tripping Daisy

MORE SHOWS

Greatest Hits

2025 FESTIVAL PARTNERS


  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • TikTok
  • YouTube
  • Facebook
  • Spotify
  • Mail

NEWSLETTER — FAQ — CONTACT — HISTORY

InstagramTwitterYouTubeTikTokFacebook

Copyright © 2025 Riot Fest Corporation. Privacy Policy.

Search for:

Send me emails so I don’t have to go to your website anymore.