10:00AM CDT — August 14, 2025
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Riot Fest was recently informed by Mr. John Stamos (actor, musician, icon, legend, etc.) that after over a decade of social media harassment from Riot Fest, he will finally break the curse and has tentatively / begrudgingly agreed to attend Riot Fest on September 20, 2025 in his official capacity as drummer of the band The Beach Boys.
But first…
He has a few demands that we must meet…
1. Riot Mike (founder of Riot Fest) must get a John Stamos tattoo.
Completed on 8/19
2. A John Stamos look-alike contest must be hosted by Riot Fest.
3. A local Chicago pizza restaurant must create a Greek-style pizza named after and in honor of John Stamos.
4. John Stamos’ green room must be stocked with these items:
– A body pillow of John Stamos
– A nude painting of Bea Arthur
– Unlimited hummus served in a Gibson guitar case
5. The Riot Fest Twitter Person must give John Stamos a foot rub.
6. A special John Stamos Riot Fest t-shirt must be designed and approved by John Stamos.
7. No one is allowed to make eye contact with John Stamos’ hair.
8. Whenever John Stamos says “Riot Fest,” he is allowed to say “Riot Fart.”
9. John Stamos masks must be printed out for the crowd to wear.
Over the next few weeks, in the lead-up to the festival, we at Riot Fest will make every effort to complete this list of demands from Mr. John Stamos so he will be in attendance at Riot Fest 2025.
Riot Mike Gets A Tattoo!
Crossing off the first of John Stamos’ list of demands.
The Related Rabbit Hole
