I Don’t Mean To Freak You Out, But There Is A Chicken Wing Shortage And Everything Is Terrible
Due to consumer demand, lower capacity and lower hatch rates and chicken farms, we are about to have another serious crisis in America. We are slowly running out of chicken wings and everything is terrible.
According to market-research firm Urner Barry, the wholesale price for chicken wings have climbed from $1.50 per pound to $2.09 in the last year.
“That’s natural in the restaurant business to raise prices as commodity costs increase,” says Wingstop CEO Charlie Morrison. “We don’t want to raise them too much because we want to keep a great value for our consumers.”
As restaurants are choosing between raising menu prices or cutting portion sizes, Bonnie Riggs, Foodservice Industry Analyst for NPD Group says, “It’s all over. It’s a very big deal for everyone that has wings on their menu.”
“It’s all over,” she says. IT’S. ALL. OVER. IT’S FUCKING OVER.
And to make things even worse, some restaurants are ending their chicken wing specials altogether or replacing chicken wing night with “boneless chicken wing” specials which is complete bullshit because “boneless chicken wings” aren’t wings at all they are wing-shaped chunks of less-expensive chicken breast meat and are glorified chicken nuggets and I’m not 8-years-old I don’t want some fucking chicken nuggets I want my goddamned chicken wings.
Fuck your “boneless chicken wings”. I’ll give you my chicken wings when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.
Thoughts and prayers with everyone affected by this tragedy. We’ll get through this together.