Happy Birthday Eddie Van Halen.
RIP Terry Wayne Ward. A man who never owned a cellphone and had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians. We salute you.
https://riotfest.org/2018/01/rip-terry-ward-man-never-owned-cellphone-zero-working-knowledge-kardashians/
There were “Nutella Riots” in France yesterday.
https://riotfest.org/2018/01/riots-across-france-nutella-went-sale/
The end of the world is coming. Again.
https://riotfest.org/2018/01/bible-says-world-going-end-june-24-2018/
Tired of hyper-sexualized comics that are a horny teenager’s fever dream? Here’s a handful of books that approach sex as adults do: like it ain’t no thang.
https://riotfest.org/2018/01/5-sexy-comics/
THANK ZOD IT’S FRIDAY!
Friday. pic.twitter.com/q7icMLvxBD
— Riot Fest (@RiotFest) January 26, 2018
Who needs a good toilet read this weekend?
All the songs ever by one of my all-time favorite singers, songwriters & midnight-wanters. Now updated and reputated. Herein lie my issues, all 129 of them, because she just keeps writing too many damn great songs. Long live. https://t.co/sofJrcdNoj
— rob sheffield (@robsheff) January 26, 2018
I think we all just need to join the Foo Fighters. They seem fun.
FOOds n fine view sPOTs #byronbay #foofighters #summer @ Byron Bay, New South Wales https://t.co/dTCzXtL1dY
— Rami Jaffee (@RamiJaffee) January 26, 2018
42.
Over/under on how many chicago dive bars have a bloodshot sticker stuck somewhere? pic.twitter.com/ol957GrDCD
— Bloodshot Records (@BSHQ) January 26, 2018
…this just in, from our Completely Freakin’ Obvious desk.
Trump’s administration is my administration his agenda my agenda his friends my friends his enemies my enemies
— Ted Nugent (@TedNugent) January 25, 2018
In other news: Water is wet, sand is sandy, air is airy, and this lousy redneck once wrote a song about his insatiable desire to statutorily rape a 13-year-old girl, so yeah, of course he wants to go out pussy grabbin’ with the Pussy Grabber in Chief. In fact… let’s reprint the lyrics to that song below, without permission. None of it has aged well, kinda like the Nuge.
“JAILBAIT”
Music and Lyrics Written by Ted Nugent
(in 1980, when he was 32 slimy years old)
I’ve got no inhibitions
So keep your keys out of your ignition
I steal a car like I got the curse
I can’t resist the old lady’s purse
Jailbait you look so good to me
Jailbait won’t you set me free
Jailbait you look fine, fine, fine
And I know I’ve got to have you in a matter of time
Well, I don’t care if you’re just thirteen
You look too good to be true
I just know that you’re probably clean
There’s one little think I got do to you
Jailbait you look so good to me
Jailbait won’t you set me free
Jailbait you look fine, fine, fine
And I know I’ve got to have you in a matter of time
Sad but true
So tell your mama that I’m back in town
She likes us boys when it’s time to get down
She’s got this craving for the underage;
I just might be your mamas’ brand new rage
Jailbait you look so good to me
Jailbait won’t you set me free
Jailbait you look fine, fine, fine
And I know I’ve gots to have you in a matter of time, now babe
Honey, you, you, you look so nice
She’s young, she’s tender
Won’t you please surrender
She so fine, she’s mine
All the time, I woke my mind
It’s all right baby, it’s quite all right I asked your mama
Wait a minute officer; wait a minute officer
Don’t put those handcuffs on me, what about her?
Hey, I’ll share her with you!
