Smoking weed is one of those things that we’re fine doing at home all the time, but now sort of resent that we don’t have the option of doing elsewhere. Right now even the most couch-locked stoner is fantasizing about sparking up in some wide open spaces (even if they typically avoid wide open spaces as much as possible). To celebrate this extra-weird and slightly cabin-fever-tinged 4/20, we assembled this gift guide for the quarantined stoner.
THE PHOENIXFrom Tribetokes
These days passing around a soggy blunt is even less appealing than it was before we were living in the middle of a global pandemic. This crystal pipe lets you pass around a fat ass blunt’s worth of weed in a format that won’t soak up saliva.
G PEN ROAM VAPORIZERFrom Grenco Science
If you’re hardcore enough stoner that you want to smoke wax on the go (in the future, when we’re allowed to go places), you need a hardcore piece of gear. An engineering marvel, the G Pen Roam is a portable spillproof water-cooled vaporizer for concentrates that can heat up to 800 degrees in a matter of seconds. Here’s a photo of Cypress Hill/Prophets of Rage icon B Real enjoying one.
LOVE APHRODISIAC CHOCOLATE
Stuck indoors with someone you have sex with? Spice up your close quarters with this next-level edible that combines THC and CBD with a bouquet of gender-neutral natural herbal aphrodisiacs that makes it a lot more fun to be on top of each other.
CLOUD WASH RELAXED FIT TEEFrom Richer Poorer
We’re all dressing for comfort over everything else right now, so why not get the most blissfully comfy shirt you can buy? This roomy dream by fleece lords Richer Poorer shows up in the mail as baby soft as your most beloved and beat to shit 90s concert tee, but without any holes.
CLASSIC TIE-DYE GRAPHIC CLOGFrom Crocs
Anyone who’s ever told you that Crocs are uncool is a liar and doesn’t want you to be happy. Cop a pair and learn what don’t-give-a-fuck comfort really feels like. Get them in tie-dye color to let everybody know just how much you’re vibing.
POWERHITTERFrom The PowerHitter Co.
Turn your living room into the parking lot of an American sports arena in the 1970s with this piece of stoner technology straight off of Shakedown Street. A must for anyone who owns more than tie-dyed Dead shirts (or just wants to smoke an entire joint at once).
GREEN THUMB SHIRT
Work meetings via Zoom combine all the tedium of conference calls with the need to constantly maintain the appearance that you don’t desperately want to be doing literally anything else in the world. Add some excitement to your next video conference by wearing Huf’s gloriously busy printed rayon tribute to the cannabis farmers of yesteryear and see if the low image quality can keep your boss from noticing that you’re wearing a shirt covered in weed plants.
SNACKSFrom Legally Addictive
It’s a flaky, flatbread-ish cracker topped with a layer of buttery toffee and a layer of densely flavorful chocolate, and it’s hard to explain but when they all hit your taste buds at the same time it’s possible to catch a fleeting glimpse of the meaning of existence. Also available with everything seasoning, which is absolutely psychedelic.
STICKER PACKFrom Broken Promises
Walls, doors, laptops, pets, roommates. Looking at the same things all day every day is hellishly tedious. Switch it up by slapping some eye-popping stickers all over everything in sight.
SURVIVAL KITFrom Saintwoods
Remember parties? Presumably one day we’ll have those again. When that happens, show up at the function with this stylish kit that’s got all the tools you need to show off the joint-rolling skills you perfected during quarantine. Everyone loves the person who shows up at parties and rolls amazing joints. Damn, parties were fun.
It’s fine if you’re freaking out. Everyone’s freaking out. You just have to be prepared for those moments when it all gets too much and things feel like they’re spinning out of control. A word of advice for when they do: it’s a proven fact that you can’t freak out too much if you’re wearing the most searingly obnoxious socks you can find.