We’ve got a huge load of new merch to dump on you today: our most elusive, limited-edition collection of random shit ever, live NOW at RiotBrand.org. These are all going to sell out so ridiculously fast, so get moving!
For starters, why not pick up one of these highly collectible action figures? They serve no purpose other than to gather dust on your really lame shelf, but they’re the perfect purchase for any Riot Fest fan with zero self-control. For the smelly Riot Fest fanatic who can’t stop (and has dearly missed) complaining about our festival, there’s the “Disgruntled Crust Punk” figure in his Unbathed variation; for the nostalgia-swarmed fan, “Bees” is sure to hit the spot.
Even better… have you ever dreamed of playing Riot Fest? Without putting any of the work in whatsoever? Now you can! Fuck it, who cares. You can now purchase an opening day slot for your terrible band (audience not guaranteed). Also, if more than one band buys this, it’s your job (not ours) to split up the stage time equally.
Check out the whole collection over at RiotBrand.org—and if you want any of our regular merch, everything else is 20% off with code APRILFOOLS at checkout.