Arian Foster, owner of two thumbs, retired NFL running back and four-time Pro Bowler who played most of his career with the Houston Texans, thinks he could fight a wolf and beat it.
He has spent the past 24 hours or so, arguing on Twitter about his qualifications to beat a wolf in one-on-one combat. And we’re inclined to agree.
In an amazing string of tweets, Arian Foster made some pretty good points about having two thumbs and special skills that would help him beat a wolf in combat.
Some of the things that wolves don’t have: four Pro Bowl appearances, infrared detection, websites, thumbs, a knowledge of biology, the ability to read, a belief in God.
Is he worried about the wolf’s size? Nope. Not to mention, the wolf doesn’t have thumbs. How are you going to beat Arian Foster without any thumbs?
Arian Foster can read and is a wolf expert. They wolf can not read and is not an Arian Foster expert. Arian Foster also has thumbs. The wolf does not.
Do you think a wolf knows anything about biology? Nope. Do you know who does know about biology? Arian Fucking Foster.
Do you think that a wolf could kill Arian Foster because they can kill an elk? If you do you’re an idiot. Elk don’t websites or aggression or arms or THUMBS! But you know who does have those things? ARIAN MOTHERFUCKING FOSTER!!!
Neither Arian Foster or the wolf believe in God. This is between them.
For now, Arian Foster is done with this wolf talk. Godspeed Arian Foster and good luck on your wolf quest. #TeamArian
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