Search
Tickets Lineup
Riot Fest
  • Back to top
  • RIOT FEST
    • CHICAGO • SEPT 17-19, 2021
    • Tickets
    • Lineup
    • Preview Party
    • FAQ
    • Lockers
    • Hotels
    • Photos
    • Past Lineups
  • Magazine
    • Most Recent
    • Features
    • Interviews
    • Music
    • TV+Film
    • Comics
  • Shows
  • Merch
  • Newsletter
  • Search

What John Stamos Learned During Quarantine

By John Stamos / April 30, 2020April 30, 2020 / Features

There’s been a lot of talk about acquiring new skills during this difficult time. When not doing everything for my family and my community, I set aside time to learn, to grow. Some people are learning to speak a new language, play an instrument, write a novel—all good stuff.

The fine folks at RIOT FAT asked for a list of what I’ve learned. So, here it is, ROIT PEST.


I learned I no longer want to own a large cat zoo in the south.


One night, I not only learned that homemade sushi is a bad idea, but I also learned that I didn’t stock up on enough toilet paper.


I learned that a walk-in closet could easily be converted into a vacation home as long as you don’t mind staring at leather pants from the 80s and being very quiet when your wife and son are looking for you.


I learned that when you wear a mask, brushing your teeth is optional.


I also learned that if you wear a mask without brushing your teeth, everything smells like homemade sushi.


I learned that 90% of Zoom meetings are spent talking about the fact that we’re doing a Zoom meeting.


I learned my dog doesn’t do anything all day. Nothing. I thought maybe he did something while I was gone. Nothing.


I learned how to clean a toilet, wash dishes, do laundry, and make a bed. I also learned how much I miss and value my housekeeper, so I gave her a raise (and a hazmat suit).



I learned when a smoke alarm is chirping and driving you crazy, you can just yank it off and toss it in the street, and it will stop that obnoxious chirping. (In two and a half weeks.)


I learned if you play Sloop John B backwards, it’s actually a lovely recipe for rice pilaf.


I learned which neighbors would be best to eat if things really got bad. (Hi, Drake.)


And the best thing I learned during this pandemic—I WILL NEVER GO TO RIOT FART FESTIVAL. Why? Because I just found out that all the butter used to make the butter sculpture of my handsome bust was stolen from IHOP. One little pad at a time—and that is something I just won’t stand for!  Not cool RIOT TURD. I also have a restraining order against the person who runs the Riot Fest Twitter.

Thanks for asking me what I learned, RIOT SHITHEADS. I love you butter thieves. But I will never go to your festival. Please stop asking!

Love and Kisses,

JS


John Stamos quarantine Stay At Home

SHARE

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
  • LinkedIn
  • Email

The Related Rabbit Hole

Daryl Wilson from The Bollweevils Wants You to Stay Home
John Stamos

  • Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Instagram (Opens in new window)
  • Email Newsletter (Opens in new window)
  • Youtube (Opens in new window)
  • Reddit (Opens in new window)

Riot Fest Tickets

  • Riot Fest Tickets

Riot Fest Presents Shows

Riot Fest Presents Shows
March 24, 2021
Bottom Lounge
Fu Manchu 30th Anniversary Tour – Postponed: TBD

Fu Manchu 30th Anniversary Tour – Postponed: TBD

Fu Manchu 30th Anniversary Tour – Postponed: TBD

Fu Manchu 30th Anniversary Tour – Postponed: TBD

Speedealer

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Fu Manchu 30th Anniversary Tour – Postponed: TBD
March 27, 2021
Livestream
Teenage Bottlerocket

Teenage Bottlerocket

Teenage Bottlerocket

Teenage Bottlerocket

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Teenage Bottlerocket
May 21, 2021
Bottom Lounge
Rescheduled Date: The Garden

Rescheduled Date: The Garden

Rescheduled Date: The Garden

Rescheduled Date: The Garden

George Canton

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Rescheduled Date: The Garden
June 27, 2021
Bottom Lounge
Hot Mulligan

Hot Mulligan

Hot Mulligan

Hot Mulligan

Heart Attack Man

Meet Me @ The Altar

Super American

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Hot Mulligan
September 16, 2021
Douglas Park
Riot Fest 2021 – Preview Party

Riot Fest 2021 – Preview Party

Riot Fest 2021 – Preview Party

Riot Fest 2021 – Preview Party

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Riot Fest 2021 – Preview Party
September 17, 2021
Douglas Park
Riot Fest 2021 – Day 1

Riot Fest 2021 – Day 1

Riot Fest 2021 – Day 1

Riot Fest 2021 – Day 1

Tickets(Opens in new window).
Riot Fest 2021 – Day 1

MORE SHOWS

Greatest Hits

  • The Riot Fest 2021 First Wave Lineup is Here
  • The Crazy, Contentious History of Chicago’s “Dibs” System
  • What the Heck is a Thursday Preview Party?

Sign up for our email list or my boss is going to yell at me.

  • Riot Fest Foundation
  • History
  • Privacy
  • Contact
©2020 Riot Fest
All Rights Reserved.
Website designed by COVERT NINE
  • Facebook (opens new window)
  • Twitter (opens new window)
  • Instagram (opens new window)
  • Youtube (opens new window)