There Were Riots Across France Yesterday Because Nutella Was On Sale
Nutella, the magically sweet hazelnut and cocoa spread that makes everything taste like dessert, has been implicated in a series of riots that took place throughout France yesterday. An unprecedented 70 percent off sale across the Intermarché chain of supermarkets sparked violence at several of their locations, the BBC has deliciously reported. An employee of…
RIP Terry Ward; A Man Who Never Owned A Cellphone, And Had Zero Working Knowledge of the Kardashians
We Salute You Terry WardWe never had the pleasure of knowing (or even meeting) 71-year-old Vietnam War vet Terry Wayne Ward while he was alive, but the man appears to have been a legend in his native northwest Indiana. Yes, we know that the Jackson 5 set the bar unrealistically high for potential legends from the region, however Mr.…
The Bible Says The World Is Going To End (Again) This Summer. You’ll Never Guess Which Day We’ll All Die!
Good news. Once again, we finally have a date for the end of the world. According to the bible, the world is going to end in on June 24th. According Mathieu Jean-Marc Joseph Rodrigue, the bible says Riot Fest won’t be happening this year. And before you ask, no we do not offer refunds. To find the…
Five Comics You Should Be Reading That Handle Sex Like Adults
Outside of some curious corners of the underground, the history of comics and sexuality is…not so great. You know the books I’m talking about, blazoned with buxom ladies who are surely fracturing their spines in order to take on the bad guys, while also giving you a clear view of their goods. Or, even worse,…
The Daily Riot Fest Roundup
Thursday, January 25th, 2018The Guggenheim offered to loan the president and first lady a n18-karat, fully functioning, solid gold toilet. https://riotfest.org/2018/01/trumps-wanted-borrow-van-gogh-guggenheim-offered-gold-toilet-instead/ It’s 2 minutes to midnight, he hands that threaten doom. https://riotfest.org/2018/01/2-minutes-2-midnight/ Do you have Ty Segall fatigue? https://riotfest.org/2018/01/ty-segall-fatigue/ Lisa Goes To College. https://riotfest.org/2018/01/simpsons-punk-rock-album-cover-mashups-weve-waiting/ ADOPT THIS PUPPY https://riotfest.org/2018/01/riot-fest-adoptable-puppy-week-clumsy/ OMG IZ THEY FINALLY ANNOUNCING THE WAR ON ARBOR DAY‽…
The Trumps Asked To Borrow A Van Gogh From The Guggenheim. Museum Offered A Gold Toilet Instead
It’s not uncommon for the residents of the White House to borrow works of art from museums to decorate the Oval Office. The Obamas had paintings by Mark Rothko and Jasper Johns hanging in the Oval Office. The Kennedys borrowed a painting by Delacroix from the Smithsonian. In keeping with this tradition, the Trumps requested…
Riot Fest Adoptable Puppy of the Week: Clumsy
The shelter remains at a very high population and they are still looking for the public to come meet some amazing adoptable dogs. Stop in any day from 12pm-6pm to meet the pups and adopt. CLUMSY A176377 • 6-month-old Male • Available for Adoption at Chicago ACC Clumsy is a 6-month old neutered male who…
It’s Now 30 Seconds Closer to the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
The Doomsday Clock, created in 1947, is a symbolic timepiece designed to “warn the public about how close we are to destroying our world with dangerous technologies of our own making.” This ticking time bomb of a metaphor is a reminder of “the perils we must address if we are to survive on the planet.”…
